Water

Water is fluid. It gives life. It takes life.

Water has been here all my life but only now I can truly see it.

As a Virgo, I’ve been more inclined towards earth, feeling better surrounded by trees and books than anywhere else.

And that has been me: a practical person, guided by my own rules and values, but not able to follow the flow. To adapt easily.

Suddenly, there came water.

It first started during a panic attack. I was feeling overwhelmed by my own plans going wrong due to external forces, and the pressure I had created was too much to bear. Until one thought came to my mind and was able to calm me down a bit: I pictured myself in the water. In a big lake, in dark cold water. My body drifted according to the current, not sinking, just floating under the surface.

There, it was quiet, it was peaceful. I could feel the coldness and wetness on my skin. The movement of the current. I heard nothing and saw nothing. Touch was all I had left. And it was all I needed.

This scenery, as strange as it might be, has been a powerful ally for when I feel I’m about to lose it.

It is a paradox, though. For the idea of not breathing gives me the chills, in a bad way. That’s why those breathing exercises to relax end up only stressing me more.

But with water, I could relax.

Later, I went to the beach for the first time in years. Like I said, I’m connected to earth, so I’d naturally choose vacation spots related to the mountains or the metropolis.

The beach trip was a short one. On an impulse, I drove for 17 hours with my boyfriend and a friend to visit another friend who lives in a cozy town by the beach in Brazil. We could only stay there for five days. But by the second day, a skin problem I had on my elbows for months completely vanished!

Seriously, for months I had been trying a number of moisturizing products to clear the rash on my elbows. Nothing worked. Except for a day by the beach! That’s true medicine right there.

About three months after that trip, I moved to Montreal, Canada. Talk about big changes!

Aside from the different aspects that come with big moves like that, one major thing changed. It was such a big change that I only realized it a month after I had arrived in Montreal.

Montreal is an island.

For the first time in my life, I live surrounded by water.

For 25 years, I lived in a city on the hills. Literately on the hills. The name Belo Horizonte, which translates to Beautiful Horizon, is a reference to the view we get from the top of most buildings in the city.

So earth had a big influence in my life for a long period. And now it is time for water to take over.

Here in Montreal, not only am I surrounded by rivers, but there is also water falling from the sky all throughout winter: the snow.

And that makes me think of my tattoo, a snowflake made from the photo of a real snowflake I saw in Ottawa, from my first trip to Canada in 2018.

My tattoo represents the wonderful time I had on that trip, but it mostly reminds me of a quote from a J.R. Ward book, that goes something like this: “Do you see the snow falling from the sky? Nothing you can say or do will stop that snow from falling”.

So that’s it. Some things we can plan and control, but most of them are beyond our realm of power and we can only learn how to play along. How to move with the water flow.

P.S: during this whole insight, there was also a song that kept me going, Her and the Sea, by The Clann.